A few days back I wrote that I was going to try a new tack in dealing with women. Well it worked. Well, that’s kind of cheating – guys if you think I’m suggesting that you can go from being a douche bag to being yourself around women and meet someone in a week you’re probably going to be disappointed in your results.
Instead what this is is the culmination of the anecdotal facts that led me to the conclusion that I am much more successful dealing with women when I’m simply myself. That conclusion came from my long, long history of miserable failures at bars trying to impress “chicks” compared to the numerous times in the past that I have known a woman for a long time (lived across the building in a dorm, went to school with, worked with) and never tried to “pick them up”, but instead was just my normal old idiotic goofy self around them with no pretense. Apparently that me is pretty damned adorable. Yay!
So there’s this girl I work with who, as it turns out, really likes me – which is awesome ‘cause she’s cute and funny and cool as shit. So anyway, we’ve worked together for a year, and she had a boyfriend, and I didn’t try to hit on her or anything. I was just me and she liked it! Weird, right? So it was based on that that I developed this new life plan. I suppose being conscious of it helped some, because the other night when we were out with some colleagues the old me would have been aware of the fact that she liked me, gotten all weird and nervous, tried to hard to say the “right things”, to play the “right games” and ended up fucking it up. Instead, I just kept on being me. I didn’t let the prospect of sex ruin me. Yay again!
But now I’m screwed. Now I have to take her on a date.
I’ve never been on a date. Swear to god. I’ve had a fair bit of sex; even had a “steady girlfriend” or two, but never “dated”. I’m philosophically aware that dating is what grown-ups do, and despite my ever-present immaturity, it’s time to admit that I’m supposed to be a grown-up now. However, the actual prospect of taking a girl on a date is daunting as hell. Where do we go? What do we do? How do I act? (Ok, I’m supposed to have that last one answered already – see above – but it’s a lot easier to write about it in a blog no one reads than it is to put in to practice.)
Enter the Internet; the nerd’s solution to everything.
What you seem to want in a first date is a place where the date is the focus – not the place or the event. Movies are bad, because you are both watching the movie, not each other. Concerts are bad because you can’t really talk – noisy bars with live bands probably fall under the same category, to a lesser degree.
You want something that says “hey, I like this sort of thing!” or, even better “hey, I bet that YOU really like this sort of thing!”
It’s seems option A would be easier to find. I mean, this is your first date, it’s not easy to know what she would really like.
Or maybe it is.
Maybe I should work that in to it.
The only problem is that you have to find a way to have the “what do YOU want to do?” conversation while not coming off as an insecure, indecisive moron (which, let’s be honest, I am…it’s just that that’s one of the pieces of crazy I want to hide for a while).
You should probably avoid things that are going to make you look like an idiot, unless you think you can pull off the “spectacular disaster” theory of first dates, like taking a girl to a charity event in which you volunteer to be repeatedly pelted with pies for children’s cancer research. However, aside from intense, intentional personal humiliation (for you, now, not for her), it seems prudent to avoid things like pasta bars where you have to make that slurping motion to get the last strand of spaghetti in to your mouth. That’s just not hot, I don’t care who you are.
So common wisdom seems to point towards the dreaded Dinner Date.
Upsides: free and open conversation, focus on the person not the event, chance to show off both your conversational skills and your coolness factor by picking a trendy, fun, out of the way spot.
Downsides: It’s too traditional, I’m broke, and besides it’s been years since I knew where a trendy, fun, out of the way spot was. Enter the internet again?
Other options (thanks to http://onlinedatingmatches.com/why-guys-need-to-get-creative-when-taking-a-girl-out-on-a-date/44/ ):
1. Take a walk on the beach/strand/outdoorsy area.
No. I’m not outdoorsy. I live in
2. Go to Starbucks and then take a walk around the immediate shops and area.
Alright if you remove the Starbucks requirement. There are thousands of decent coffee shops in metro areas that aren’t Starbucks, and I’d much rather go to a place that, you know, has a soul. However, the idea is sound. You can start with a little caffeine so you can stay alert and interesting (careful not to go overboard and get too talky), and then wander the city finding weird stuff. That’s good. Not formal, no constraints, just wander around learning about her.
3. Art museum.
Ok, it’s kinda cool, and I do like going there. You can wander around and talk about whatever, and the stuff you see you can talk about later. Besides, it’s one of the options that Will Smith suggests in Hitch, and Will Smith, as we all know, is never wrong.
Downsides: it’s clichéd. It has a definite “meh” factor. I doubt that many girls would brag to their friends about a first date at an art museum. I can imagine this conversation:
“So, where’d he take you?’
“The art museum.”
”Oh…”
Besides, you risk the “omg, what a fag” reaction if she turns out to be an adolescent cunt. Well, that’s not really a downside, because if she is an adolescent cunt what do you really want to be dating her for?
I guess instead of phrasing it that way, I should just say that you have to accept the possibility that she could just be bored at a museum without other judgment. That’s a risk. I guess that would have to depend on the girl. I think the only time I would take that chance would be in the case where there was an event planned at a local museum that I was really interested in going to see (or it seemed that she was really interested in going to see). Let’s say they did a surrealist color nature photography show, I could get in to that.
Anyway, we’ll call the art museum a situational possibility.
4. Local charity event (eg: pick up trash in a marshland area or the beach…just make sure it is some sort of sponsored event, lest you ruin the romance by asking her to grab that hypodermic needle sitting off to the side).
Wow. I wish I was that guy. I’m not. Still, there are always little events that you get invited to for charity. If one pops up and she seems interested in it, I can see how this would make you look like a king. It just seems so unlikely that there would be something in the near future AND you knew that it was something she was interested IF you didn’t really know her yet. On the other hand, the upside is huge, so I’ll keep it in mind.
5. Shopping !!! Every girl loves shopping, even if it is window shopping (this is a quote from the website, not from me).
This one is probably a good idea. Much like the Starbucks (shudder) plan, it’s good because it’s amorphous. I do have some reservations about asking a girl out to “the mall.” I mean, that’s just not romantic.
“So, what do you have in mind for us tonight?”
“Well, I figured we’d start at Baby Gap and just see where we end up!”
6. Cooking dinner together. This is a lot different than going out to dinner, as it involves interactive activities and is a really fun thing to do.
Great idea. Only you have to be a good (or at least a passable) cook, so this isn’t for everyone. Luckily, I am. I can thank my mother for that – she trained me well. However, doesn’t it seem a little forward for a first date? Third date, sure – even second if the first goes really really well. But do just open with “I figured we’d skip all that other stuff and you’d just come right over to my place” seems to have a higher “no” risk than some of the others.
However, I think that this is a great idea for some point. You could do the shopping together first. Wandering through the isles, learning a little about what she likes, talking about things you like, trying not to look too much like a
7. Riding bikes/rollerskates on the beach or trail.
Again, no. Have you ever seen me on rollerskates? I look like a giraffe would look if you put him on a hockey rink and removed his kneecaps. I think in general its best to avoid activities that could result in a dislocated shoulder on the first date.
8. Something she has never done before, but always wanted to do.
Sounds great. What is that? Maybe if you were set up with her by one of her friends, you could mine this sort of data. Otherwise, you’d just be guessing. Maybe I don’t have a ton of faith in my investigative skills, but “I’ve always wished a boy would take me ‘here’ on a date” has never slipped its way in to our conversations. I guess I could snoop around a bit, lead conversations a certain way, etc. but that seems difficult in the time granted while leading up to a first date. Again, this may be one of those ideas that is more appropriate for a third or fourth date. Better yet, a first anniversary. Start where you started your very first date, and then take her to the place she’s always wanted to go. That would be money.
9. Animals. Nothing softens a girl up more than being around cute fuzzy little animals. Try going to a pet store or maybe take her out horseback riding.
I’ll keep this idea noted as a part of one of the other plans – like the coffee shop wandering or the shopping plan – try to incorporate a pet store in to it. But “hey baby, meet me at Petco” just isn’t the kind of thing I’m comfortable with as a whole date plan. Maybe if you knew a restaurant that was right next to a pet store, and you also knew that it always had a long wait, you could hit the pet store instead of the bar. But let’s be honest – that bar is gonna look tempting.
10. DANGER !!! It is a well-known fact that some women are turned on by danger. Try suggesting bungee jumping or skydiving or something of that nature. Just don’t bring your 9mm along (with Snoop Dogg in tow) and go rob a 7-11 with your date still in the car and lead the cops on a wild police chase…..Keep it safe and keep it sane. Perceived danger is the best kind of danger because no one gets hurt (unless your parachute fails to open while you are sky diving….)
This one has some real possibilities. However, it has some practical constraints. Here in the suburbs of
An amusement park might be a good middle ground here. Roller-coasters have that element of danger. There’s the aspect of walking around and talking. It has the feel of wandering from shop to shop checking out weird stuff. It’s got a nature-y kind of vibe, without actually forcing you in to the back woods. Also, there’s usually one pretty close to you. Hell, sometimes there are animals there. I think we may have a winner. Except its March and none of them are open yet. Shit.
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