The Trouble With Women

It's not like I have "trouble" with women. It's just that I don't know what to do with them.

I mean, I think I'm an attractive enough guy. Sure the hair is thinning a little bit as I get closer to 30 than 20 (or 29 for that matter), and I could afford to lose 20 or 30 (or 50) pounds, but somehow or another I still pretty regularly get compliments on my looks.

Also, I think people generally find me fun to be around. People laugh at my jokes, listen to my stories, use me for a sympathetic ear, and I think I've got a pretty good sense of how to put people at ease.

So what could the problem be?

Maybe it's that though I can say all those things, I still think that I need to pretend to be someone else when I'm "hitting on" a girl. It's like somehow I've been convinced that I need to put on some sort of a show in order to get women to like me - and I'm miserable at that show. Cutesy little games, being "suave," being the one that every woman instantly wants - yeah, none of that works for me. I try. I do. It's just that when I'm trying to be that guy, I can never think of anything interesting that he would say. Truth be told, I kinda think that that guy is a douche bag.

So why do I still think that I need to be that guy to meet girls? I can accept that there's a certain amount of crazy that needs to be hidden in the opening stages of any relationship. I mean, I'm not going to open a conversation with my WoW stats. "Hey baby, I have 5 level 70 characters." Nope. But should I be similarly ashamed of the rest of me? Clearly the answer is no. You can only hide so much of yourself successfully.

Maybe the George Costanza is the best plan - just go against every instinct I have. "Hi, my name is George. I'm unemployed and live with my parents." What would my version of that be? "Hi, my name is Geoff. I've failed at every job I've ever had because I can't bring myself to do things that are even mildly unpleasant, and I masturbate to video game characters." (That last part isn't true. Odd, I wonder what it means that even here, amidst a conversation about being honest, I still have to make shit up to seem witty?)

It doesn't help that I'm a smart man, and am genuinely arrogant about it. I just can't stand being around stupid people. I'm not sure where the line is - but it definitely exists. Below a certain IQ, I just can't hold a conversation with you. I have a great friend who can just have sex with cute, dumb girls. That would drive me crazy. There's the guy that meets a cute, dumb girl at a party and takes her in to a back bedroom and just have some fun, but I'm not that guy. Maybe it's that guy that I'm trying to be. To say that I wouldn't like to be that guy would be a lie, I guess. At the very least, it would make for some funny stories (Tucker Max, anyone?), but at this point I'm pretty sure that I lack that instinct.

So this is my declaration; my Thursday March 13th resolution: from now on I'm just going to be me. No more trying to be cool around women. No more trying to be cutesy with little cryptic text messages and games. No more trying to be impressive when I meet them. Just be me, and be confident in that me.

I'll tell you how it works out.